


Gotta Stay High (All the Time)

by BlamScilesShipper



Category: Glee
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-11
Updated: 2015-02-11
Packaged: 2018-03-11 18:23:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3332171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlamScilesShipper/pseuds/BlamScilesShipper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Blaine break up and are miserable without each other. Can they get back together? Triggering for anyone who has tried to commit suicide. Background Quick, Jarley, Finchel, and Niff. Partly AU and partly canon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gotta Stay High (All the Time)

_**Disclaimer: The characters of glee do not belong to me. This is my bestie's fault, even though she's not into Blam like that. But she got me into Tove Lo, and her song Habits is what this fic is based on. I hope ya'll like. Blaine and Sam break up, and miss each other. Check out Tove Lo's Queen In the Clouds album, it is the shit. Also, this story is very dark, I blame my brain, I am so sorry.** _

Gotta Stay High (All the Time)

By Julia

_I eat my dinner in the bathtub_  
then I go to sex clubs  
watching freaky people getting it on  
It doesn't make me nervous  
If anything I'm restless  
Yeah I've been around and I've seen it all 

_I get home, I got the munchies_  
binge on all my Twinkies  
Throw up in the tub   
then I go to sleep  
and I drank up all my money  
dazed and kinda lonely 

_You're gone and I gotta stay high_  
all the time  
to keep you off my mind  
high all the time  
to keep you off my mind  
spend my days locked in a haze  
trying to forget you babe  
I fall back down  
gotta stay high all my life  
to forget I'm missing you 

_Staying in my play pretend_  
where the fun ain't got no end  
Can't go home alone again  
need someone to numb the pain 

_Day 20_

It was the 20th day since Sam had lost Blaine. Sam didn't know how he'd made it through all of those days. Each one felt like the one before, and they all felt like the first day. Sam did nothing but smoke weed and get drunk. Sam couldn't imagine how he could go through the rest of his life without Blaine. They had been together for three years. Sam missed him so much. He couldn't bring himself to do anything but miss Blaine. Sam didn't know how he could ever love anyone like he loved Blaine. Blaine had been Sam's first real relationship. Sam had dated a few girls, but nothing too serious. Blaine had been his whole life.

Right now, he was lying on the couch, drinking and eating pizza. He shared an apartment with Finn Hudson, Noah Puckerman, and Puck's little brother Jake. Blaine had been there until he had moved in with Nick Duval and Jeff Sterling, friends of his from his old school. They had a huge contingent of glee club in New York. Most of it, strangely enough. Except for Puck's girlfriend Quinn Fabray, she was going to Yale. She lived in New Haven, and she and Puck shared custody of their little five year old daughter Beth. They'd had her in high school. She stayed in the loft with Puck and the others so Quinn could do the dorm thing. Being fair and all that. It was just the polite thing, since she'd been in Quinn's care before that. Puck worked as a club bouncer, and things didn't work out too badly. Sam envied what they had. He wasn't in college, but most of the rest of them were, and it was almost time for their lives to start. Their real adult lives. Sam was a singer, and by day he did a crappy waitering job at Rachel and Santana's work. It was a singing waiter thing. Sam actually liked it. Tips were good. And Blaine didn't work there, so that was a plus. Sam hated that they weren't getting along for their friends.

Puck strode into the room. Since when was he the one that people came to when they needed relationship advice? He was making it work with Quinn, but it had taken a lot of time and effort. He wasn't at all an expert. Sam was the one, and Blaine. Until this, they'd been the most rock solid. They had been great. No one else got why they were fighting and being broken up. Puck really cared about Sam, Blaine, too. They were good guys. He just didn't know how he was supposed to help. Puck passed by. Beth needed her dinner, and he'd just gotten up for work later. Puck asked Sam, "Evans, man, you gonna go and get some gigs today?" He really was hoping that the answer was yes. He didn't want Sam to continue to be depressed and hanging out on the couch. Puck knew that he was sad, but eventually life had to go on. It had been more than two weeks. Heading closer to three. If he wanted to get Blaine back, he had to show it. It was the best way to do things. He had to man up. Puck though that this little arrangement wasn't working at all. "You need some direction."

He stayed on the couch and didn't move an inch. Sam supposed that Puck was right, but he couldn't go, not when he had to be drunk all day to forget Blaine. He couldn't go and concentrate on songs for a gig. He wished that he could. All of the songs he wrote were about Blaine. Sam managed a half smile as Beth came running up to the couch. "Hi, Bethie." He said, watching her. She was blonde like her mother, with hazel eyes like both of her parents. She was adorable. Reminded Sam of his siblings, Stacie and Stevie. He brushed some of his long blonde hair out of his eyes. Sam was the closest to Beth out of everyone in glee club besides her parents. Sam had wanted him and Blaine to have some just like her. He just…. how could they really be separated? And not together? Sam could hardly believe it. It was unbearable. Sam took Beth's hands, and pulled her into his lap. He was sober enough to be around her for a bit. Sam watched as she reached up to play with his hair. She liked to do that. "You have a good day at school, Bethie?" He asked. It was getting colder, it would be Thanksgiving before long. Beth nodded, and started chatting about her day. Sam listened as she talked, chiming in every few seconds or so when she asked him a question. Sam liked chatting with Beth, it didn't take a lot of concentration. She was a very chatty girl. Not shy at all.

"Bethie, baby, don't bother Uncle Sammy too much, okay?" Puck called out as he set to work on cooking. He was making macaroni and cheese, it was Beth's favorite, and chicken nuggets. It was what she liked to eat the most. Puck put it all in the oven. He could cook the boxed kind, but Beth liked the frozen the best. Puck would make sure that there was something else for the rest of them to eat, something more hearty. He had defrosted some chicken so he could fry it. He started peeling potatoes. He was glad that they'd kept Beth. Quinn had wanted to give her up. Puck had had a hell of a time convincing her that she shouldn't. They hadn't dated for awhile after that, too, Quinn had kept him at arm's length. Not that he blamed her. He was a bit of a playboy in his youth. Puck had grown up a lot since he'd become a father. Puck looked up when his younger brother came into the kitchen. They hadn't grown up together. They'd only found each other three years ago. Puck had been iffy at first. Mostly because Jake seemed to have a huge chip on his shoulder. But honestly, when you were a Puckerman, that was almost a given. It was just how they rolled, so to speak. Puck looked at him. "What's up, Jake?"

Jake let out a sigh. "Sam was up late and I barely slept." He said. He didn't know if he could keep dealing with Sam's drunken foolishness. He got why Sam was upset, but it was tiresome. Jake looked at his brother. "I'm going to spend the night at Marley's. I can't take another night of Sam's drinking." Jake didn't know how everyone else was handling this. It was getting really hard for him to get to school. He went to NYU. On a dancing scholarship. Jake was debating getting his own place. "Look, I know that he's a grown man, and you aren't his keeper, but you have got to talk to him. He can't keep doing this. He has to find some other way to deal." Jake said forcefully. And he meant it. Jake couldn't handle it anymore. It was tiresome. He set down his overnight bag on the table. Jake reached into the fridge and grabbed a drink. "It's got to stop, Puck. Before it turns into a real problem." That was the last thing that should happen. Sam was better than this. Jake thought that Blaine was for sure never going to come back if Sam kept this up. It was truly pathetic. Jake would never get back with a girl who did that. It may be human, that didn't make it right in the slightest. Sam was being totally selfish, and he wasn't that guy.

_Day 25_

Blaine rolled over in his bed. He was staying with Jeff and Nick. He had gone to Dalton with them before he'd gone to McKinley. Blaine couldn't see anyone from McKinley without seeing Sam's face. It was torturous. Blaine missed Sam with every part of his body. Blaine was hungover from the night before. Blaine didn't know what to do or say. All of the life had left him. Blaine didn't know what the days were anymore. He had been kicked out of school. Not that that was on his mind much, or surprised him. It so hadn't. Blaine moved to the fridge next to his bed, it was for his alcohol. The rest of his food went in the actual fridge. Blaine poured out some rum and Coke, and took a long swig. Blaine had no agenda but to drink. He flipped on the television on the wall. He turned on something that Sam would never watch in a million years and zoned out. He didn't know what was going to have to happen for him to feel better. He felt like he had lead in his stomach constantly. Blaine just wanted to move on.

Jeff Sterling stepped into Blaine's room. He was worried about Blaine. Blaine had been lethargic and restless. He got that, he really did. He just thought Blaine drowning like this wasn't helpful. Jeff wished that he could help him. He hated that Blaine had lost Sam. They had been an amazing couple. Jeff had really thought that they'd last forever. It was so stupid, that they had grown apart. Jeff sat down on the end of Blaine's bed, holding a bagel. It was Blaine's drug of choice. For his hangovers. He handed him the paper plate and took the cup in his hand. Jeff sniffed it, it smelled of rum, besides the soda. "Blaine, honey, what are you doing? You shouldn't be drinking like this. Alcoholism runs in your family, Blaine. You have to be careful." Jeff brushed some of his blonde hair out of his eyes. He couldn't watch Blaine do this to himself. It was too much for anyone that loved him. Jeff couldn't imagine being in Blaine's shoes. It had to be awful. He kept his eyes on Blaine, who was forcefully looking away. He could be stubborn. Jeff scratched his scruffy chin. "Please, Blaine. Let us help you. You have no idea how badly that we want to help you. I hate seeing you like this, honey. You have to move on with your life eventually. You can't wallow forever."

Blaine rolled his eyes. He understood what Jeff was doing. Blaine didn't want to talk about this with him. It wasn't going to help him. Blaine accepted the bagel and taking a small cautious bite. Blaine just hoped that he could keep it all down. It might be ambitious. Blaine wasn't sure what was going to become of him. He didn't want to even live anymore. Blaine wasn't at all confident that he was going to make it without Sam. He still couldn't believe that they were broken up. It was insane to even contemplate. Blaine took back his cup angrily. Jeff was not going to talk him out of drinking. Out of his way to do so, in fact. Blaine needed the sweet release of it to help him forget. Blaine wasn't going to be able to stay alive if he didn't have the alcohol to remind him of times without Sam. Blaine was able to forget that he had even dated Sam with it. He needed to be able to forget or he'd die. Blaine fixed Jeff with a glare. "I need my alcohol." He said firmly. Blaine wasn't about to give it up without a fight. Blaine didn't want to have to have Sam constantly on his mind. He couldn't have that at all. Blaine let out a sigh and took a deep sip of his drink.

Rolling his eyes, Jeff didn't know what to say. Jeff knew that nothing he could say right now was oing to matter. Jeff didn't know what to say. Nothing that he was going to say was going to help anything. Blaine was going to do whatever he was going to do regardless now. Jeff sighed. He was going to have to talk to the fiancé about this. Jeff brushed some of his blonde locks out of his eyes. "Blaine…. You can't do this to yourself." He tried. "I know that you're upset. I know that, baby. But Sam will never want you back if you keep this up." He told him firmly. He needed to listen.

"Jeff, shut up." Blaine repeated. He didn't want to fight about this. And he knew if he let Jeff keep talking, he'd get into a fight with him. Blaine kept his mouth shut, just kept drinking. He was going to be drunk in minutes as far as he was concerned. Blaine ran a hand through his curls, messing them up even more. He finished his bagel, hoping that it would stay down. He didn't want to get sick. He was tired of getting sick. He had to master being drunk 24/7 without getting hungover to the point of throwing up. It might be impossible. But Blaine wasn't going to give up on finding the right ratio. He could do it.

_Day 29_

Sam sat bolt right up in bed. There was a man in his bed. What the fuck had he done? Sam didn't know how he could have done this. He'd used condoms, right? Sam ran a hand through his long blonde hair, and he had a bit of a beard going on. Sam turned to look at the man in the bed next to him. No way. NO WAY. Sebastian Smythe? He did not do this. Sebastian was an old adversary of theirs. Sam checked to see if he had his boxer briefs on still. He did. That was a good sign, right? Sam slowly got out of bed, not wanting to wake Sebastian. He moved to get a robe, and then went to the kitchen. There was only Puck there, cooking. Sam groaned with his hangover and got a glass of Bloody Mary. He kept some mixed in the fridge. Sam took a sip, wincing, and then sat down. Sam was trying to make sure that he remembered all of last night. Sam ran his hands through his hair, and then rubbed his eyes with his hands. He barely remembered getting back here. He barely remembered getting to the bar. Sam couldn't believe that he'd been this stupid. All he could hope for was that he and Sebastian had been clean.

"Do you even remember last night?" Puck asked. He was sure that he didn't. Puck was very very angry at Sam. Sam and Sebastian had banged into the apartment at 4:30 in the morning, and had proceeded to party very loudly in the living room for at least an hour and a half. Puck had just happened to be off, and he'd had a hell of a time getting Beth to bed. Sam was very lucky it was Saturday and there was no school. Puck had a speech for Sam, and he wasn't going to like it. Finn shuffled by, looking like hell, too. Puck shared a look with him and then turned back to Sam, halting his breakfast prep. "Sam, I know that your life is ending right now, but if you ever make that much noise again and wake my daughter, I will show you the meaning of the word pain. I am serious. You are a grown man, and you pay rent here, but so do I, and Beth deserves a good night's sleep. You are lucky that it wasn't a school night. I will kill you, Evans." He used his most serious tone, so that Sam would know he meant every word. Puck folded his arms as tightly as he could. "I know you're hurting. But it's been a month, Sam. An entire month. Clearly, this isn't working. Something else needs to be done." Puck really hoped that Sam listened, because if he didn't, there'd be hell to pay. Puck was sympathetic but not when it was messing up Beth's life. Puck loved Sam but she came first.

"One month tomorrow." Sam corrected automatically. Puck set a glare on him. "I know, not the point." Sam let out a sigh. He was now getting flashbacks. The door opening loudly, and he and Sebastian making very loud noises….. and there had been sex on the couch. Sam let out a gasp. It was all coming back. He knew that he had been beyond stupid. How could he have done it? This had to stop. He'd hit rock bottom. Sam couldn't believe that he'd been so stupid. He ran his hand through his blonde hair. He covered his face. "Dude, I am so so sorry." Sam bemoaned. And he was. More than Puck could ever know. Sam was going to have to make sure that Bas knew that it was just sex. Sam couldn't even imagine how that conversation was going to go. But he wasn't anticipating any problems, because he was the type of guy who didn't do serious, but still. Sam groaned with the pain of his hangover. "Really, I am." Sam repeated. He knew that he was going to have to stop being so stupid. He hung his head on the table, wishing that he wasn't so stupid. He really had to stop beating himself up for losing Blaine.

_Day 32_

On the 32nd day, which yes, Sam had been keeping track of, he had decided that he was going to Niff's to talk to Blaine. Sam had to at least try. And for once, he was actually sober. Sam hadn't wanted to be drunk or high for this conversation. He got bundled up, because of the cold, and headed across Manhattan to go to talk to Blaine. Sam was really nervous. Sam headed up, he managed to sneak into the building when someone was leaving. He knew that this was going to go badly, but he had to try. Sam got up to the fourth floor and stood outside 4 D, his heart pounding. What was he going to say? He had been the one to hurt Blaine. Sam hadn't been ready to get engaged, but Blaine had been. Sam was ready now. He just had to try. He had to get Blaine back. Sam let out a deep breath. This was so hard. What if Blaine refused to help him? Sam just had to fix things. It wasn't supposed to be like this. They weren't supposed to be apart. They were soulmates, lobsters. Sam had to get Blaine to see that he'd been wrong. He had seen his life without Blaine. It wasn't any good without him. He finally knocked on the door, his heart in his throat. This had to go okay. It had to.

When Blaine opened the door, he thought his heart was going to break into a million pieces. It was not Samuel Noel Evans in front of him. Blaine brushed his unruly curls out of his face. This couldn't be happening. He had to be seeing things. This… he let out a breath, tears filling his eyes. "Sam…. What are you doing here?" He asked, his chin wobbling and tears falling out of his eyes. Blaine could barely breathe. This…. he had wanted this for so long. He just couldn't…. this was too hard. Blaine didn't have the strength for this. He wasn't drunk enough. Blaine didn't know how he could handle this. It was too hard. Blaine looked at Sam. "You have to go. I can't do this. I really can't. You…. this is killing me. I don't see anyone from McKinley, you know. Because every time I see any of them, I see your face. I can't see your face without wanting to die." Blaine could barely breathe, he was so upset. He didn't know how to do this. Blaine closed his eyes, so he didn't have to see him anymore. Blaine was going to need the biggest drink in the world after this. It was too hard. Too hard to deal with all of this. "Seriously, Sam, you have to go." He repeated, more firmly.

"Please, baby, hear me out." Sam said, his tone pleading. Sam knew that the endearment was going to hurt him. It had just slipped out. Sam couldn't get out the words that he wanted to say. "You… I have hated being without you. I can't stand this. I miss you all the time. Nothing that I do helps my pain." Sam said, his eyes filling with tears. Sam wished that he could put his arms around Blaine, make him feel better. He hated this. Sam hated himself for hurting Blaine like this. It was too hard to be without him. It was something that Sam had to fix. He had to make this better. "Please, baby. I'm sorry that I got scared. I really am. I'm not scared anymore. I have to be with you. Today is the first day since we broke up that I've been sober. I…. there's no other way to numb the pain. It's soul crushing. I can't imagine how I will ever stop hurting. You are amazing. The best thing that ever happened to me. You make me a better person." It was all true, and Sam didn't know who he'd be if he had never met Blaine. "You know that you're not happy without me. We can fix this, Blaine. I love you. So much, more than I've ever loved anyone, Blaine. We have to be together. You know it's true."

"No, Sam. You have to go! I am not listening to this impassioned speech. I am not going to get back together with you. I am still trying to work through the pain from the breakup. I can't go through anymore pain. I just can't. I thought I was going to die from the pain, Sam. I asked you to marry me and you said no. You said no. You don't get to just change your mind. You said that you needed space. So you're getting space." Blaine told him, his heart pounding out of his chest. Was he crazy? Why was he saying no? This was all that he had wanted. Blaine love Sam so much that it hurt. He hated being without him. This was why he was so confused. He would give anything to have Sam back. Blaine sniffled, wiping his eyes. He hated that he was crying right now. That showed his weakness. Blaine folded his arms, and looked at Sam. "You got what you wanted. You got all the space you could want." Blaine snapped. He couldn't stop the anger in his tone. They had agreed not to talk. Not to be in each other's lives. This wasn't sticking to that agreement. Blaine couldn't see, he was crying so hard. It just wasn't fair.

All of that hurt him deeply. More than he wanted to admit out loud. Sam ran his hand through his long hair. Blaine had always liked it like that. Sam hadn't been able to cut it. "Please, Blaine. I know that I hurt you. I know that. Please, let me fix it. Let me make it up to you. I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I can't be without you." Sam folded his arms tightly. He watched Blaine's eyes move over his muscles. Sam was heartened by that. That was at least something. "You are my life, Blaine. I don't know how to get along in this world without you. We have to talk about this Blaine. I love you." Sam said passionately. It was all too much for him. He let out a sigh. He wasn't sure that anything he said was helping at all. Sam didn't know how else to do this. How else to get Blaine to listen to him. This had to work, it just had to. It couldn't turn out any other way. "Please, Blaine. Please. Just… I can't be without you." Sam hated himself for hurting Blaine. He really really did. Blaine was so amazing. The best thing in his life. Sam was nothing without him, and he knew it. Sam brushed his hair out of his eyes, wishing Blaine was the one doing it. Sam loved when Blaine's fingers were in his hair. It was a real turn on. "You are amazing, Blaine."

Did he really believe all of that would sway Blaine? It was Sam's fault that they were in this mess. "Sam, go home, okay?" Blaine snapped. He closed the door in Sam's face. Blaine let out a deep sigh. Then he crumpled to the floor, a mess of tears. Blaine loved Sam so much, how could he have done this? How could he have torn Blaine's heart out like that? It just wasn't fair. Blaine hated being all alone. He reached for a bottle of Jack and took a big swig. Blaine could make this all stop. He moved to the kitchen, and picked up a knife from one of the drawers, looking it over. It seemed sharp enough. Blaine lifted it in his hand, and then moved, slicing it into the skin of his wrists. And he meant it, they weren't shallow. Blaine sat down on the kitchen floor, and closed his eyes. This was getting too hard. It would be over soon. Blaine knew some would consider this cowardly. It didn't seem that way to him. It felt like all of the pain was going to end. Blaine didn't even think that it hurt. It was going to be over soon. That's what he kept repeating to himself before he lost consciousness. Blaine didn't feel anything once that happened, and it would all be over.

_Day 34_

Sam wasn't sure that he could believe what he'd just been told. Blaine was not in a coma after he'd tried to kill himself. This wasn't fair. Blaine was his whole world. He couldn't be in a coma. Sam moved on autopilot, to go to the hospital. He had to see him. Even if it would kill him to see him lying there, motionless. Sam got there in record time, and hurried up to Blaine's floor, which was the ICU. The fucking ICU. This wasn't happening. Sam poked his head in the room. Blaine's friends Nick and Jeff were there. Blaine didn't have any family anymore. They had died the summer after graduation. Sam's dad was actually Blaine's emergency contact. Sam was so nervous about being here. They didn't exactly like him for hurting Blaine. Not that Sam really blamed them for that. He had been a complete jerk. Sam couldn't believe this. "Um, hi." Sam said quickly, folding his arms tightly. He almost shivered under the other boys' gaze. Sam's eyes filled with tears as he looked at Blaine in the bed. Oh God, he looked so small. This was awful. Sam let out a breath, trying to breathe. It was like he was dying himself. Sam moved further into the room, and laced his fingers through Blaine's.

"What are you doing here, Sam?" Jeff asked. He knew that Sam's dad had been called. They had been late getting to change that. Jeff was angry that Sam was here. Jeff hated that Sam was here. This was his fault. He was the one who had driven Blaine to this. Jeff ignored the look his fiancé was giving him. "You have to go. This is your fault." Jeff wasn't usually like this. For some reason, he was really angry at Sam for this. Even though he knew Blaine was the one who had done this. Jeff kept his arms folded tightly. Jeff couldn't believe Sam's gall, he couldn't really think that Blaine would want him here.

Sam looked at Jeff angrily. "Blaine is in a coma. A fucking coma, Jeff. You can't keep me from being here." Sam snapped. Jeff really couldn't be doing this right now. This was the complete wrong time for this. They could have this fight any other time. Sam wiped some of his hair out of his eyes. His eyes were wet with tears. This was so awful. Blaine had to wake up. He just had to. Sam sighed deeply, his thumb stroking over the back of Blaine's hand. He kept his gaze away from Jeff, he just couldn't look at him right now. He was so very angry at Jeff for picking this fight right now.

"You're the one who drove him to this!" He snapped back. Nick tried to stop him, Jeff ignored him. He was going to have this out. They had to iron this out. Sam couldn't just waltz in here like this. Jeff brushed some of his own hair out of his eyes. Once upon a time, he had been a supporter of them together. Then this happened. Jeff couldn't believe Sam. "What were you thinking?! You can't do this to Blaine. He was so upset at seeing you that he tried to kill himself." Jeff's tone was very angry. Jeff wished that he could wrench Blaine's hand out of Sam's. Jeff knew that he couldn't though. Not his place.

That hurt. So much more than he had thought it would. Sam felt his heart break into a million pieces. Blaine had done this right after Sam had left? Really? This was awful. He couldn't feel more guilty. He didn't know what to say or do. He couldn't believe that this was really happening. Sam shifted, tears falling off his chin, and he stroked the back of Blaine's hand, trying to keep from losing his cool. He didn't want to give Jeff another reason to yell at him some more. Sam couldn't handle that at all. He was barely holding it together. "Please, let me have some alone time with him." He said softly.

To his shock, they actually left the room. Sam let out a breath, and looked at his soulmate, and tears fell off his chin. "Blaine, baby, you have to wake up." Sam begged. He hated to see him like this. "Please. I miss you so much. I hate that you're sick like this. I wish I could wave a wand and fix things. I do. I love you so much." He would stay until Blaine woke up. There was no way he was leaving. Sam wished that he had been able to be with Blaine like Blaine had wanted. Sam felt so guilty and he wished that he could take it all back. Oh God, was Jeff right? Was this his fault? Sam thought he was going to hyperventilate. This was the worst thing to ever happen. Sam thought that he might not ever be able to breathe again. "Please, Blaine. Wake up. I love you and I wish that I could take back what I did. I really do. If I could turn back time, I so would. I am so sorry that you felt like you had to do this to stop hurting. Baby, I will do anything to make it up to you. If I have to spend the rest of my life doing so, I will. You are the best thing to ever happen to me, baby. I love you so much." It was true.

_Day 37_

It was three days later, and Blaine was still in a coma. Sam hadn't left the hospital, so Finn was stopping by to bring him some food and a change of clothes. Sam woke from his nap with a start when he heard Finn come in. Sam wiped drool off his chin. "Hey, Finn." Sam said sleepily. He didn't know what to do to help Blaine. This was so frustrating. Sam took the clothes, and looked at Finn. "Would you stay with him so I can shower?" When Finn nodded, Sam went to the bathroom. Sam knew that he had to be mindful of nurses. Some of them were very bigoted, and some of them tried to make him go home. Sam got under the spray, letting the hot water run over him. He closed his startling green eyes and leaned his head against the shower wall. This could not really be happening. It was like a nightmare that you couldn't wake up from. And the longer that he was in the coma, the less likely that he would wake up. Sam couldn't do this. It was too hard to deal with. If Blaine woke up, okay, when, Sam was never letting him go. Sam couldn't stop worrying. He knew he'd already lost at least five pounds from stress and worry. And while he did obsess over his weight, it was bad from stress.

When he got out of the shower, Sam went straight to the food. It was pizza. Sam brushed wet hair out of his eyes. "Thanks for bringing me some supplies, Finn." Sam said, taking a deep sip of his soda. Then he took a big bite out of his pizza. Sam cast his glance on Blaine as he ate, wishing he would just wake up. Sam just hoped that Finn wouldn't want to talk. Sam really wasn't in the mood at all. He just wanted to eat and go back to sleep while he held Blaine's hand. Sam finished his slice and reached for another slice of pizza.

"You're welcome, Sam." Finn replied. He didn't think that this was fair at all. Blaine didn't deserve this. He deserved to be as happy as he wanted to be. Finn wondered why Blaine had done this, but he didn't want to ask Sam because everytime he did, Sam got really upset. Finn didn't want to upset him if he didn't have to. He knew that Sam had hurt Blaine, and he wondered if that was why B was here. Finn was sure that it was. "Has there been any change?" He asked. When Sam shook his head, Finn touched his shoulder. He just wished that someone's life would get easier. It wasn't fair.

Later that evening, Sam was sleeping when he felt twitching in his hand. He was holding onto Blaine's, was he waking up? Sam woke with a start, and he felt another twitch of Blaine's fingers. He wasn't imagining this. "Blaine, honey, I'm here." Sam said, squeezing his fingers. He was shocked when those hazel eyes popped open. He blinked a bit disoriented. Sam leaned and kissed his forehead. He couldn't believe this. Blaine was awake. Sam cupped Blaine's jaw. "I'm so glad that you're awake. I was so worried." They had told him that Blaine might have brain damage or amnesia, and Sam hoped that he was okay.

Blaine's eyes blinked, and the room swam in and out of focus. He didn't know what he was doing here. He should be dead. Blaine wondered if Nick or Jeff had found him. And what was Sam doing here? They so weren't together. This was partly Sam's fault. Blaine had to admit, he was really glad that Sam was here. He was. Blaine's hazel eyes focused on those green ones. "What….. I was unconscious for awhile?" Blaine asked, and Sam nodded. Blaine tightened his grip on Sam's fingers, and then pulled him down, pressing his lips to Sam's, kissing him deeply. Blaine was so glad that Sam was here. Blaine kissed him until he needed to breathe. Blaine couldn't believe that Sam was really here.

When they broke the kiss to breathe, Sam ran his hand through Blaine's curls. "I am so glad that you're okay. You…. you remember what happened?" He asked. When Blaine gave him a nod, Sam kept talking, voice shaking a little. "You…. I love you, I want to marry you, Blaine. I'm sorry, you'll never know how much. Please, Blaine, clearly we need to be together." Sam looked down into those hazel eyes. They would never be apart again. Sam was going to be with Blaine no matter what. They kissed again, and felt the love between them.

_**Author's note: I am so sorry that got super angsty. I hope that ya'll liked! Oh I wish that we had Blam. OMG.** _


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